How To Survive An Office Meeting

Since the dawn of time, man has invited other men to meet at a prescribed time and discuss agenda with the helpful aid of the PowerPoint presentation. This form of communication, non-verbal at first, was used to define communal goals and methods to achieve them. Cave men discussed how to track down an animal, kill it and so forth.

Much time has passed since those ancient days when meetings were held out of necessity for tribal self-preservation. Nowadays, meetings, particularly in a corporate setting, are often held simply because they can be called. A person with the power to call a meeting often does so to display that power. Generally speaking, these meetings are a complete and utter waste of time with bad leadership, badly defined goals, no real agenda and lots of people speaking out of turn for self-validation. In my humble opinion, 90% of the time in today's corporate world calling a meeting is an abuse of power.

Watching a badly run meeting unfold is like watching a car crash in slow motion. You start off moving in a defined direction, but suddenly you find yourself in the opposite lane, or off the road entirely, too bewildered by your situation to grab hold of the steering wheel and regain control over the speeding vehicle.

And then, it's already too late, the metallic hood folds as it makes impact, glass shatters, the dashboard cracks, the seat belts freeze and there you are, covered with glass, metal, plastic and probably blood wondering why you're no longer moving. That is exactly like a badly run meeting.

We're all familiar with the common complaints. They start at the most inconvenient moment times. They always go long and cut into your lunch or your time to go home. They're boring. They never resolve anything. The participants usually don't even get around to the agenda of the meeting. Meetings simply provide false reassurance that things got clarified, that something got accomplished, that everyone earned their paycheck. Those who convoke the meetings walk out of them spiritually cleansed, patting themselves and others on the back. "Well done team!" they exclaim. Their mind is already scheduling the next meeting and sending imaginary invites to everyone in the company.

But then a day passes. The meeting has been forgotten. Sometime, someone in some distant future makes a passing reference to it, but it has already been erased from the collective corporate memory. It has been swallowed up by hundreds of other meetings, each either re-iterating precisely what was discussed in this original one, or negating it completely.

So, this is for you meeting organizers. Have a clear agenda. Invite only the people required to meet the goals of the meeting and not entire departments. No one will be offended. Clearly define who speaks in what order. Reserve time for a Q&A at the end of each presentation. Allow people to contribute, but for the love of god, steer their contributions to the topic at hand. If Bill starts complimenting Susan on her new cat, or if Jill tells George how jealous she is of his trip to All You Can Eat Mongolian BBQ, the meeting has strayed from topic. Finally, don't let people attack you. Disagreement is great, especially constructive disagreement, but getting shit is not. Don't take shit.

The web is full of great resources on how to run effective meetings and some absolutely terrible ones (yes, assigning someone to be the "Participation Police" is a bad idea). I'm including both so you can see which category you fit into. I also recommend this New York Times series of interviews called the Corner Office, which addresses CEO perspectives on running meetings.

And now for you meeting participants. If you are attending a meeting as a guest and you feel it slipping out of control, tune out. Fade deep into the recesses of your mind and cut off all contact with reality. It's a waste of time for you to participate, especially if you do so only to assert your presence. In that respect, it can be detrimental to you. It's alright to be quiet at a meeting and just observe. It's even better to not attend one, but most of the time you don't anyway, unless you have to. My tip is to drink lots of fluids, stay hydrated. It's what I do. It's the most natural way of measuring how long a meeting should be. If you're dying to go to the bathroom by the end, it's gone on far too long.



How do you survive a mind-numbing, spirit-crushing office meeting? Share your stories.