Thinking About Cubicles - An Introduction

Life in the Cubiclean Jungle - Solitary, Poor, Nasty, Brutish, and Short.

In a cubicle, thought is unnatural. I mean that literally. Imagine a man thinking in a cubicle. He looks like he's just sitting there, spacing out. He looks like he's not doing anything. He looks like he's being unproductive. He looks like he's wasting company time. Rubbing his temples, squinting his beady little eyes, the little vein on the side of his head jutting outwards with increased blood-flow, all motionless and shit.

Soon, of course, the thought is interrupted by the strange, cold, objectifying looks of co-workers, the strange, cold, objectifying look of the supervisor. You're caught off guard by the observing eyes around you. The horrifying realization that you actually haven't produced anything in the last couple of minutes creeps up the spine firmly lodged under the sweaty skin of your back. You start to feel like you've just been sitting there. After all, what are the real-life manifestations of your thought? What, in the world entire, do you have to show for it?

Nothing. You didn't even finish it. In fact, you don't even really remember what it was anymore. The thought might as well have not even happened. You hold on to the idea that the thought might come back to you, maybe you'll remember it, but come on, are you really about to risk being caught thinking again? You're completely exposed. You would definitely get caught again. Maybe if you doodle with your pen as if you're working and try to think you can get away with it! 

But no, you're not Bobby Fischer. This is far too distracting. It's like moving one of your hands vertically while moving the other one horizontally. No, buddy,  you're done. If you want to think, go to the bathroom.

Cubicles, they're a staple in every uncivilized society. In the next posting I will go into the history of these corporate torture chambers - in the meantime, I leave you with another blog entry about cubicles. While it's slated as "frank discussion for women who think outside the box," something tells me these women are so goddamn open-minded, even men can participate. Happy reading.